Surf Shack Double Deluxe
Martin Murray
Welcome to SAM’S SURF SHACK!
We are honored you’ve accepted your position and we wish you the best of luck.
This handbook is meant to aid in your new role.
All knowledge is contained within! Isn’t that radical, dude!?
SAM’S prides itself on its authentic beach dining experience.
Because of this we have remained in business on the Boardwalk for over 100 years!
All new employees must prepare at least one Surf Shack Double Deluxe box.
Turn to pg. 7 for details...
*Note: This box is “off-menu” and contains one of each of our signature items.
A Beached-Whale Burger
4 all-beef patties w/diced lettuce & sliced tomato
Grilled onion & jalapeño
2 deep-fried mozzarella sticks between each beef patty
4 condiments:
ketchup, mayo, mustard, & Zesty shark sauce
Dolphin Fries
Full order of fries; w/ranch, jalapeño crisps and melted cheese
Orca-mole Fish Tacos (x6)
Salmon meat on corn tortillas; lime rice, corn, black beans, hot sauce, & guacamole/fish-paste mix
Shrimp Shake
Vanilla Ice Cream and Strawberry Sherbert; red dye #40; (dye makes our signature pink color!)
Directions
Your Surf Shack Double Deluxe must be completed on the first evening of a new moon! Use the calendar in the back of your handbook (pg. 43) for a helpful reminder.
Once finished, take your box to beach level underneath boardwalk. Use the trapdoor in the back of the kitchen. Rope ladder allows for easy access.
On beach level, scan your immediate surroundings. Make sure you have complete privacy. The following steps are for Surf Shack eyes only!
Face away from ocean towards SEAWALL. You will see a small cave opening on the sea wall. Go towards the cave.
About 30 paces away from cave opening, a makeshift barrier has been created. This barrier is a collection of rocks, concrete blocks and driftwood spray painted yellow.
Do not step beyond the Yellow Barrier!
Place your box beyond the Yellow Barrier. Then walk backwards at least 20 paces.
Within a few moments, you should see THE KING OF THE BEACH. This can be easily recognized as it has:
a.) Tentacles
b.) Pincers/Claws
c.) 2 dozen eyeballs
d.) Mouth with many rows of teeth
If made properly THE KING will eat immediately.
Do not turn your back to THE KING at any point.
Do not show fear.
There are helpful breathing techniques to lessen fear response on pg. 35
If you hear an infant’s cry or the voice of your mother echoing from the cave, do not fret! This is a psychological trick the KING likes to play. It is not real!
Once THE KING has returned to cave, you may return to kitchen and begin shift. As outlined above, your box must be given at the beginning of each New Moon cycle!
Your Surf Shack Double Deluxe box might not be a difficult task but it is an important one! This is a serious requirement. If not done properly, not only will there not be a SAM’S SURF SHACK, there might not even be a summer!
*Please see your hiring manager: Greg for any questions or concerns.
About the author:
Martin Murray is a writer based in New York. He writes plays & screenplays. He received his MFA in playwriting from Columbia University. He is currently developing an original screenplay with Troma Entertainment. Other short horror fiction he has written will appear in Flash Fiction Magazine and Microfiction Monday Magazine later this year.
