Ingredients

• One bottle of the cheapest red wine attainable

• One cup of a pomegranate-like juice

• A cup of sparkling water (see below for instructions) **

• A cup of blood orange juice (you can mix the two if needed)

• 1/4 cup lime juice

• 4 cup assorted fruit: Obviously, we use heritage fruits when possible, but if your dealer doesn’t have any, you can use hybrids, chimeras, and mutations; just add ½ c extra sugar to sweeten anything cross-bred for hardiness instead of sweetness. Add an extra ¼ tsp of antiradium for anything from the Colorado Desert or the D.C. Crater.

• 3 oz. of mid-range tequila

• Ice (JK!)

• ¼-½ cup granulated sugar

• ¼ tsp iodide reversal powder 

• ¼ tsp antiradium (powdered form)

You will need:

• Cutting board

• Sharp paring knife

• A one-gallon pitcher 

• Measuring cups

• Wine glasses

Instructions

1. Prepare your fruit. Remember to wash all fruit well, then cut it into halves or quarters, depending on the fruit. Once cut, put all fruit in the pitcher. Add the IR/Ar powder and sugar, making sure to coat all the fruit. Important: remember to remove all seeds from any mutated watermelons until a final determination is made as to their newfound ability to grow in dark, warm, highly acidic places.  

2. Add the whole bottle of red wine.  (1 1/2 bottles if there are guests, remember that the rule of thumbs for an average wine bottle is 5 servings, so for sangria, you should still assume about a bottle per 6-7 mouths)

3. Add the lemon/lime juice, the blood/orange juice, and the pomegranate juice. 

4. Add Tequila/Mezcal

5. Chill as best as you can for one to two hours

6. While the mixture chills, make your carbonated water. Even though the supply of club soda was exhausted years ago, remember that all bubbles in water are just the process of any supersaturated water and chemicals expanding. While not traditionally “carbonated,” if you aren’t using CO2, it’s still bubbly! (Please note, this recipe corrects a previous version that accidentally said “heavy water” and not “supersaturated water.”  Do not under any circumstances use the previously printed entry code (34972L6Q) to slip into the lightly guarded reactor room at Station Omega16 Fusion to steal some heavy water.)

7. To serve, pour each wine glass 3/4 full with Sangria, then finish the glass with your bubble water.

That’s it. Sangria is super easy and fun to drink. The perfect way to end another endless trudge across the barren lands we call home sweet home!

*Drink responsibly. Always designate a shooter and a lookout if not drinking from the safety of a private vault.

**In case of accidental ethanol creation and ignition, when carbonating your water change the name to “Flaming Sunset Sangria.”