Ingredients

• Honey, just the right amount to balance on the tip of your thumb without drips

• Flour, as many handfuls as times you forgot to say ‘I love you’

• Salt, the amount you can pool in your tongue

• Water, how much it would take to wash all their socks, be conservative

• Yeast, imagine their skull and fill a bowl a similar size up to the halfway point. If you have their skull, please use the recipe Thaumaturge’s Blancmange instead.

Directions

Combine honey, water, and yeast. The yeast will bloom and you must think about how it’s just like your love even if it makes you cringe.

Whisk together flour and salt. The salt will be outnumbered and get lost in the larger mass. Don’t be too worried about this.

Combine the water mixture with the yeast mixture. Things will get sticky. Again, you must think about how this is like your love, particularly the sex part.

Let the dough rise. It’s going to get big. It’s going to eat the bowl and fall out of it and try to escape.

Don’t worry, though, it won’t get far.

Stretch the dough into the shape you want. Test its limits. It’ll spring back, but you can keep pulling. Pull until it’s how you want it.

Bake. Stand by the oven and wait. You can think about what you’ll have for dinner if you like, but do not even think about eating any of this bread.

Let your bread cool off. If your lover does not come floating on the smell of this fresh bread, then they were never meant to be yours and might be better off without you.